Wallace Irwin

Wallace Irwin was an American author and humorist born on March 15, 1875, in Oneida, New York, and raised in Colorado. He was a prolific writer known for his satirical poems, humorous articles, and parodies. Irwin gained considerable fame with his work 'The Love Sonnets of a Hoodlum' satirizing contemporary social issues. He also contributed frequently to popular magazines of his time. Wallace Irwin passed away on February 14, 1959, leaving behind a legacy of wit and humor through his literary works.

March 15, 1875

February 14, 1959

English

Wallace Irwin

Blow Me Eyes!

When I was young and full o' pride,
    A-standin' on the grass
And gazin' o'er the water-side,
    I seen a fisher lass.
"O, fisher lass, be kind awhile,"
    I asks 'er quite unbid.
"Please look into me face and smile"
    And, blow me eyes, she did!

O, blow me light and blow me blow,
I didn't think she'd charm me so,
    But, blow me eyes, she did!

She seemed so young and beautiful
    I had to speak perlite,
(The afternoon was long and dull,
    But she was short and bright).
"This ain't no place," I says, "to stand,
    Let's take a walk instid,
Each holdin' of the other's hand"
    And, blow me eyes, she did!

O, blow me light and blow me blow,
I sort o' thunk she wouldn't go,
    But, blow me eyes, she di...

Wallace Irwin

Constant Cannibal Maiden, The

Far, oh, far is the Mango island,
    Far, oh, far is the tropical sea,
Palms a-slant and the hills a-smile, and
    A cannibal maiden a-waiting for me.

I've been deceived by a damsel Spanish,
    And Indian maidens both red and brown,
A black-eyed Turk and a blue-eyed Danish,
    And a Puritan lassie of Salem town.

For the Puritan Prue she sets in the offing,
    A-castin' 'er eyes at a tall marine,
And the Spanish minx is the wust at scoffing
    Of all of the wimming I ever seen.

But the cannibal maid is a simple creetur,
    With a habit of gazin' over the sea,
A-hopin' in vain for the day I'll meet 'er,
    And constant and faithful a-yearnin' for me.

Me Turkish sweetheart she played me double,
    Eloped with the Sultan Harum...

Wallace Irwin

Grain Of Salt, A

Of all the wimming doubly blest
The sailor's wife's the happiest,
For all she does is stay to home
And knit and darn, and let 'im roam.

Of all the husbands on the earth
The sailor has the finest berth,
For in 'is cabin he can sit
And sail and sail, and let 'er knit.

Wallace Irwin