James Williams

    (Spirit of Lord Eldon speaks)

    This England is gone staring mad,
    She hath abolished Chancery,[J]
    See the long lines of suitors, sad
    To find themselves unwontedly
    After one day of trial free.
    Pleading and seals have gone their way.
    "I know," said I, "that after me
    Too quickly comes the evil day."


    (Spirit of Lord Lyndhurst speaks)

    I was Chief Baron, and I had
    A Court of Law and Equity,[K]
    The Courts at Westminster were clad
    With ancient glory fair to see.
    Now County Courts have come to be
    Exalted high on our decay,
    And every whit as good as we;
    Too quickly comes the evil day.


    (Shade of Butler speaks)

    In days of yore we used to p...

    On hospitable thoughts intent
    To me the Inner Temple sent
                An invitation,
    A garden party 'twas to be,
    And I accepted readily
                And with elation;
    Good reason too, but oft the seeds
    Of reason flower in senseless deeds.

    I stood as savage as a bear,
    For not a human being there
                Knew I from Adam
    I heard around in various tones,
    "So glad to see you, Mr. Jones;"
                "Good morning, Madam."
    It seemed so painfully absurd
    To stand and never speak a word.

    I brought my doom upon myself,
    And there I was upon the shelf
                In melancholy.
    Why, say you, did I go at all?
    I once met Chloris at a ball,
    ...

    ARCHILOCHUS.

    Neobule, yesternight
    Saw I thee in beauty dight,
    On thy head a myrtle spray
    Cast its shadow as the day
    By the stars was put to flight.
    Twining on thy temples white
    Roses gave the myrtle light,
    Sign thou wilt not say me nay,
                                Neobule.
    Loosened from its coilèd height
    Streamed thy hair in thy despite
    On thy shoulders soft to stray
    And to bid the bard essay
    Never but of thee to write,
                                Neobule.


    NEOBULE.

    Sorry poet, who dost dare
    Cast bold glances on my hair,
    Let thy most presumptuous eyes
    Seek another enterprise,
    Ceasing now to linger there.
    Hearken, I ca...

    A case at chambers left for my opinion
        Had taxed my brain until the noon of night,
    I read old law, and loathed the long dominion
                                    Of fiction over right.

    I had consulted Coke and Cruise and Chitty,
        The works where ancient learning reigns supreme,
    Until exhausted nature, moved with pity,
                                    Sent me a bookman's dream.

    Six figures, all gigantic as Gargantua,
        Floated before my eyes, and all the six
    Were shades like those that once the bard of Mantua
                                    Saw by the shore of Styx.

    The first was one with countenance imperious,
        His toga dim with centuries of dust;
    "My name," quoth he, "is Aulus and A...

    I go from colonnade to colonnade
        In streets that Dante trod, and past the towers
        Aslant toward heaven, and listen to the hours
    Chimed by the bells of choirs where Dante prayed.
    They cease; then lo! the foot of time seems stayed
        Five hundred years and more, I find me bowers
        Where sweet and noble ladies weave them flowers
    For one who reads Boccaccio in the shade.
    The cowlèd students halt by two and threes
        To hear the voice come thrilling through the trees,
        Then tear themselves away to themes more trite.
    Anon I mark the diligent hands that turn
        Unlovely parchment scrolls whereby to learn
        The beauty of inexorable right.

(21 New England Reports, 228 [Massachusetts, 1893])

    [On a complaint for keeping open a tobacconist's shop on Sunday, contrary to the law of Massachusetts, it was held that the court will take judicial notice that tobacco and cigars are not drugs and medicines, and will exclude the testimony of a witness who offers evidence that they are.]

    Against the statutes of the Old Bay State
        Marzynski on a Sunday stood behind
        His counter, well content his gain to find
        In pipes not pills, cigars not carbonate.
    From breakfast till 'twas dusk at half-past eight
        Tobacco cheered this hardened sinner's mind,
        The price of it his pockets, disinclined
        To add their dime to the collection plate.
    The State Attorney claimed the penalty;

(12 Chancery Division, 776)

    Captain Dashwood, who had been
    In the service of the Queen,
    Sick of "Eyes front" and "Attention,"
    Came to London on his pension.
    At the "Portland" as he stayed,
    Firm the friendship that he made
    With one William Richards, who
    Put up at the "Portland" too.
    Passed six years, then he was wrapped in
    Love's embraces, vanquished captain!
    "Yes," he cried, "I will; no bar shall
    Stop my wedding Edith Marshall."
    But there was a bar, 'twas that
    He was poorer than a rat;
    Indian pensions do not run
    More than just enough for one.
    Edith, too, had not a cent,
    Who would pay the rates and rent?
    Two more years, and Richards moved
    (He perchance had ...

(18 Chancery Division, 109)

    Oh for the wily infant who married the widow and made
    Profit of coke and of breeze, and never a penny he paid!
    Oh for the Corporation of Birmingham cheated and snared,
    Taking orders for coke that the widow and infant prepared!
    Oh for the Court of Appeal, and oh for Lords Justices three!
    Oh for the Act that infants from contracts may shake themselves free!
    Oh for the common law with its store of things old and new!
    Birmingham coke is good and good Coke upon Littleton too.

(20 Queen's Bench Division, 494)

    When love-sick man descends to folly
        And gets engaged, he must not stray,
    The jury takes the part of Polly,
        And if he jilts her, he must pay.

    The only way his fault to cover,
        From damages and costs to fly,
    To leave his jilted lady-lover
        Without an action is--to die![L]

[L] The decision was to the effect that in most cases an action for breach of promise of marriage does not survive against the representatives of the promiser.

(1 Queen's Bench Division, 189)

    "Five hundred pounds as stake I'll lay,"
    Says Hampden, "that by such a day
    No man of science proves to me
    That earth not flat but round must be;
    The earth is flat, and flats are they."
    The sum Walsh holds right willingly;
    But Wallace by philosophy
    Proves roundness, and would take away
                    Five hundred pounds.

    "Proof me no proofs," quoth Hampden, "Nay,
    Let Wallace get it if he may,
    I'll sue Walsh for it." So sues he.
    "Let Wallace," hold the judges three,
    "Take nought, let Walsh to Hampden pay
                    Five hundred pounds."

    [The plaintiff was committed to the Fleet Prison on Feb. 8, 1596, by order of the Lord Keeper, for drawing a replication of sixscore sheets containing much impertinent matter which might well have been contained in sixteen. On Feb. 10 the Lord Keeper ordered that on the following Saturday the Warden of the Fleet should cut a hole through the replication, and put the plaintiff's head through the hole and let it hang about his shoulders with the written side outwards, and lead the plaintiff bareheaded and barefaced round about Westminster Hall, and show him at the bar of all the courts, and so back to the Fleet.--Abridged from Spence's Equitable Jurisdiction, vol. i. p. 376.]

    'Gainst Weldon Mylward files a bill,
    But doth his replication fill
    With scandalous and idle matter,
    That would dis...

(40 Chancery Division, 345)

    "Shall I take your photograph, my pretty maid?"
    "You may if you like, kind sir," she said.

    "Do you like your photograph, my pretty maid?"
    "It is more than flattering, sir," she said.

    "I'll publish your photograph, my pretty maid."
    "Indeed but you won't, kind sir," she said.

    "As a Christmas card, my pretty maid."
    "The very idea, kind sir!" she said.

    "But what if I've done it, my pretty maid?"
    "I'll get an injunction, sir," she said.

    "The law is with you, my pretty maid,"
    The learned judge of the Chancery said.

    "You have proved the negative, my pretty maid,
    A difficult thing in law," he said.

(2 Probate Division, 192)

    Aid me, Muses! my endeavour is to sing a woful song,
    How a very learned bishop in the Arches Court went wrong.
    Aid me, for duplex querela is an uninviting theme,
    And the practice of the Arches raises no poetic dream.
    'Tis the Reverend Child Willis, child in name but not in age,
    Comes he to the Court of Arches burning with a noble rage,
    Filing his duplex querela, claiming for himself thereby
    Vicarage of Drayton Parslow, or to know the reason why.
    "Reason why?" the bishop answers; "that is not so far to seek.
    Little Latin have you, Willis, innocent are you of Greek.
    You were specially examined by my good Archdeacon Pott;
    He reported to me promptly, 'Greek and Latin all forgot,
    ...