Nursery Rhyme. CCCLXXI. Paradoxes.

    O that I was where I would be,
    Then would I be where I am not!
    But where I am must be,
    And where I would be I cannot.

There was an old woman had nothing,
    And there came thieves to rob her;
When she cried out she made no noise,
    But all the country heard her.

    Up stairs, down stairs, upon my lady's window,
    There I saw a cup of sack and a race of ginger;
    Apples at the fire, and nuts to crack,
    A little boy in the cream-pot up to his neck.

    Barney Bodkin broke his nose,
    Without feet we can't have toes;
    Crazy folks are always mad,
    Want of money makes us sad.

        [The following occurs in a MS. of the seventeenth century, in the Sloane Collection, the reference to which I have mislaid.]

    The man in the wilderness asked me,
    How many strawberries grew in the sea?
    I answered him, as I thought good,
    As many as red herrings grew in the wood.

    There was a man of Newington,
        And he was wond'rous wise,
    He jump'd into a quickset hedge,
        And scratch'd out both his eyes:
    But when he saw his eyes were out,
        With all his might and main,
    He jump'd into another hedge,
        And scratch'd 'em in again.